Culture today is a minefield. With every supposedly ‘classic’ book, TV show or film we consume, we risk exposing ourselves to appalling and even hurtful attitudes from the past.
Even popular texts for children are not safe. Paddington Bear’s reference to his home of ‘Darkest Peru’, for example, is clearly ‘othering’ Peruvians.
But fear not, gentle reader. I have undertaken the task of expunging the harmful messages and offensive tropes which abound in the worlds of literature, television and cinema…
Oliver Twist
Charles Dickens’s second novel demonises underprivileged youths who are groomed into becoming criminals in Fagin’s pickpocketing gang.
The famous line ‘Please, sir, I want some more’ also stigmatises those living in food poverty and encourages excessive portion sizes, which flouts obesity guidelines. Should be changed to: ‘Please, sir, is this one of my five a day?’
Winnie The Pooh
First introduced in a poem in A. A. Milne’s 1924 collection When We Were Very Young, Winnie the Pooh became one of the world’s most beloved children’s fictional creations thanks to his kindly demeanour, fondness for honey and gentle philosophising. But there are dangers lurking in the Hundred Acre Wood.
Milne’s characters are clearly intended to mock people with neurodivergence and mental health challenges: Eeyore embodies depression, Rabbit chronic anxiety, Tigger has ADHD or is perpetually in the ‘up’ phase of bipolar disorder, while Kanga and Roo represent ‘split personality’ or dissociative identity disorder.
The damage done to generations of children by these offensive caricatures is incalculable, and that Milne has escaped censure for so long is breathtaking.
The Wind In The Willows
Kenneth Grahame’s charming book about the exploits of Mole, Ratty, Badger and Mr Toad is a picture of apparently financially stable upper-middle-class talking animals enjoying plenty of leisure time in the untouched English countryside.
It is alienating for young readers on many levels, primarily because they cannot relate to the lifestyle and can expect a life of wage slavery until their late 70s.
The episode in which Toad dresses in female clothes to escape prison is a deeply troubling portrayal of a cis male pretending to be trans. This passage is irredeemable and must be cut out.
Toad’s obsession with driving a motor car at high speed is perhaps understandable for a piece of fiction written at the dawn of the internal combustion engine, when roads were empty and before the invention of leaded petrol. However, it now strikes the wrong note. I recommend he falls in love with a new Tesla.
Sense And Sensibility
Jane Austen’s first published novel reaffirms outdated notions and heteronormative stereotypes. Irony pervades Austen’s writing, which is not appropriate today, when all statements must be taken at face value.
Before Marianne meets Mr Willoughby, she is caught in the rain and runs down a Devonshire hill, slipping and hurting her ankle. For her safety she should be wearing a hi-vis jacket with suitable running shorts and shoes. Mr Willoughby ought not to pick her up and carry her home, but should instead secure the site of the accident and write a detailed incident report.
Romeo And Juliet
William Shakespeare’s great play, probably first performed in 1597, follows the story of two teenage ‘star-cross’d lovers’ who meet a tragic end.
The plot is best understood by modern readers as the source material for Steven Spielberg‘s West Side Story. It features multiple instances of drug use, accidental overdoses, teenage knife crime, unprotected sex, and unsafe and unsupervised balcony usage.
Problematic quotes include ‘a plague o’ both your houses’, which could be triggering for sufferers of long Covid and upsetting for people experiencing homelessness.
The Flintstones
The depiction of the ordinary American family as a clan of Stone Age cave-dwellers should include a trigger warning for animal abuse due to the kicking of the cat out through the front door in the closing credits. The wearing of animal fur is also unacceptable.
Beowulf
In the Anglo-Saxon poem written c. CE 600–900, Beowulf, a ‘mighty warrior’, is a mercenary who is hired to murder Grendel – a person suffering from the medical condition ‘gigantism’ and a misunderstood societal outsider.
The epitome of toxic masculinity, Beowulf subsequently murders Grendel’s mother, reinforcing outdated ideas of patriarchal power structures and inherent misogyny. Ban it.
Where’s Wally?
Martin Handford’s picture books have been on shelves everywhere since the 1980s. Most series aimed at children have a child as the main character. Here the protagonist is a solo adult man who never speaks to anyone, and whose motives are inscrutable.
On top of this, there is his restless roaming among tourist attractions, holiday parks, airports and funfairs. If one considers what Wally might actually be up to, his expression of studied innocence becomes frankly sinister.
Matilda
One of the most popular books by one of the world’s most revered children’s authors, Roald Dahl‘s Matilda features a precocious four-year-old heroine blessed with supernatural powers, with which she terrorises a respected pillar of the community (her headmistress, Miss Trunchbull, no less).
This pedagogue is a woman of extraordinary personal achievement (representing her country at athletics) and succeeding in a male-dominated field.
Miss Trunchbull admittedly has shortcomings when it comes to anger management, no doubt due to the social pressures she has had to overcome to reach her station. She ought to be sympathised with rather than demonised, and to receive therapy and counselling.
Postman Pat
Much-loved TV animation Postman Pat presents a vision of healthy, happy, cooperative and smooth-running small-town life.
This is inaccurate and risks a rude awakening for youngsters, leaving them unable to function in a distrustful and deteriorating world. To prevent this, the show be altered to reflect reality.
The theme-song lyric ‘Early in the morning, just as day is dawning/He picks up all the post bags in his van’ could not be less accurate in 2024’s Britain, where we are lucky to get two desultory deliveries per week, usually around teatime. Change to: ‘Once in a while but who knows when/Pat will make his delivery again.’
Adapted from You Can’t Say That Any More by Ivor Vertue (Abacus, £14.99).
© Bruno Vincent 2024. To order a copy for £13.49 (offer valid to 30/11/24; UK P&P free on orders over £25) go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.
This post was originally published on here
