Step aside rom-coms and simple comedies, because we have a Christmas…wait, I don’t know what to call this one. Lindsay Lohan makes her annual comeback to Netflix with a handsome hunk who was probably your high school crush, this time with Ezra from Pretty Little Liars. Yeah, never thought I’d see this day coming, but here we are. Guess we’ve moved on from the Glee stars for this year. Oh, wait, no, because Kristin Chenoweth is in this movie as a mom. Our Little Secret tells the story of exes Avery and Logan, who run into each other 10 years after breaking up and have to spend the holiday together because they’re dating siblings. Yes, the idea of becoming a weird kind of in-law with your ex doesn’t sound very amusing to me, but it seems the writers of this film might’ve thought it would be really funny. Well, it’s not. It’s actually not anything. It’s mostly boring, but at least it’s not trope-y, so it stands out from the sea of Netflix Christmas films that you’re probably not going to watch.
It’s great to see Lindsay prancing around in the snow again, but boy does she fail to deliver anything in this movie. Maybe she’s just tired of the Christmas stuff? Also, can we at least try to dress her nicely? I know her hair is half her outfit, but jeez, this is Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about. I’ve got to admit though, the best parts of the film might be the unsubtle digs at Ian Harding’s Pretty Little Liars character, because his girlfriend in this film is quite young too. Seems the role was written for him. What I don’t understand is when you’ve got two stars who are actually terribly good at romance, why not have them romancing? Sure, I get that this is a somewhat unique plot for a Christmas movie, but at the end of the day, it comes across as just your run-of-the-mill holiday film with a happy ending that nobody is really excited about.
Also, I’m really not sure what they were trying to go for with Kristin Chenoweth’s character because why put this legend in this strange nowhere between an antagonist and mother right after the cinematic release of Wicked, only an ode to her life’s greatest work? Sure she’s a good actress, but at least elevate your film with her voice if she’s going to be present in it. The rest of the cast includes some other big names, including Lindsay’s Mean Girls co-star Tim Meadows, Henry Czerny, and Judy Reyes, and yet the film fails to impress in any way. Now, I guess I had some high expectations because this is a Lindsay Lohan movie, and Ian Harding was co-starring alongside her, and I thought maybe that’s why I was extra disappointed by it, but that’s not it. The film is actually quite unassuming.
However, having said all of that, I can’t say it’s unbearable. There are some salvageable moments, and while the chemistry isn’t working at all, the comedy is still okay. Also, from everything else that we get in the holiday season, this is a far cry from help. It is a shame really, wasted potential, and I think Falling For Christmas might be the superior of the two films. Oh yeah, and I did enjoy Irish Wish a bit more. But what’s with Netflix making mediocre and forgettable Christmas and holiday films? Why can’t we get something that’s so interesting and wholesome that you just can’t help but go back to it every holiday season? I mean, if you ask me what happened in any of these movies about 3 days after I’ve seen them, I’m not going to be able to tell you, because I’m either going to mix them up or just straight up not going to remember, because that’s how lazy and uninspired they are. Holiday movies are meant to bring comfort or at least the spirit of magic and joy, but none of these films make you feel any of those things.
In terms of a plot, this one feels like a recipe an AI chatbot churned out that someone forgot to season, and so the resulting dish is not only boring but completely bland and not to anyone’s taste. Also, for convenience’s sake, the significant others of each lead character are simply uninteresting and not worth anybody’s time, and also supremely flawed in order to make the leads seem more appealing, and that just makes the whole thing a bit regressive if nothing else. The characters are all cardboard, and if you asked me to describe them, I think I wouldn’t be able to go beyond a pretty blonde young woman and a man with a permanently annoyed face. The film tries to add a ton of twists at the end as if it’s a Christmas thriller, not just a film about the holiday cheer, and it honestly just drags the whole thing down rather than making it funny.
I mentioned this in another review, but it seems like grief is the running theme in the movie business, and I really don’t know why it had to be a part of this one, because it’s not even an enabler; it simply exists on the sideline waiting for someone to pick up on it. At the end of the day, I think if you had to watch a Christmas movie on Netflix right now with a mean girl in it, it’s gotta be Hot Frosty, because it at least feels like it’s got some heart to it. So, having said that, I will give Our Little Secret 2.5 stars; the extra .5 is for the cast alone. You can watch this one in the background if you’ve got nothing else going on and don’t want something mind-blowing; sorry if you want something lazy and boring. If not, I’d suggest skipping this one, even if you’re a fan of Lindsay’s, because she’s really not bringing anything to the table this time around.
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