It’s a tale as old as time. You head into Christmas stressed or depressed, determined to turn things round come January, and nothing changes. But maybe you just haven’t been reading the right books. Whether you’re angry, sexually frustrated, socially isolated or unhappily single, these self-help books will provide no-nonsense advice and assurance. Well, maybe a bit of nonsense — but who can resist the neuroscience of manifestation? If it’s on your wish list, try out some breathing exercises and Santa might just come through.
Every day in her private clinic, the psychotherapist Jennifer Cox sees women with an array of symptoms, including anxiety, eating disorders, migraines and eczema. She believes that while the symptoms are different, the reason is the same: anger. This book argues that from the moment we are born, girls are told to be nice, quiet and not make a fuss. But repressing anger is making women ill. Cox explores the effect anger has on the body and suggests safe ways to express it. On her advice I tried bashing a hammer on my mattress and screaming — cannot deny the euphoria that followed. An eye-opener.
Lagom £16.99
Buy a copy of Women Are Angry here
Your Journey, Your Way: How to Make the Mental Health System Work for You by Horatio Clare
At the height of his delusions Horatio Clare believed he was on a secret mission with the security service to bring about world peace — and that he was engaged to Kylie Minogue. He was sectioned and diagnosed with cyclothymia (a type of bipolar disorder). This warm, funny and generous book is about how Clare navigated NHS mental health services and the treatments he tried. In being so honest about his own breakdown, Clare normalises the mental health issues that so many of us face or fear. He makes the case that madness has always been part of being human. What was called melancholy in Shakespeare’s time is now called depression, bipolar disorder or seasonal affective disorder. If the modern labels help you, he says, take them. If they don’t, don’t. There is not a human who wouldn’t benefit from reading this book.
Penguin Life £18.99
Buy a copy of Your Journey, Your Way here
Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski
This is the only sex book I’ve read — and I’ve read many — that tells readers that sex really doesn’t matter that much. Emily Nagoski explores sex in long-term relationships, reassuring her readers that such relationships are “hardly ever at risk because of a sex issue … Save urgency for the problems where you have something to lose, like disagreements about money, children or health issues.” She says there are times you are not going to want sex, and that’s OK. She wants to take the pressure off. A sane, kind, down-to-earth book.
Vermilion £16.99
Buy a copy of Come Together here
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Women Living Deliciously by Florence Given
This is not a perfect book — it’s repetitive and could be accused of being a hotchpotch of feminism and self-help — but it is a book I wish I had read in my teens and twenties, one that I learnt from even as a woman in her forties. As the blurb goes, Florence Given “wants us to fall in love with our lives”, and I think she succeeds. Given breaks down the ways that young women are told to be ashamed of their bodies and live for other people’s approval. She does this by narrating the inner monologue a young woman might have; for example, about her appearance every time she leaves the house. It broke my heart to read because it reminded me of how much of my life I wasted thinking this way.
Brazen £20
Buy a copy of Women Living Deliciously here
Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything by James Doty
James Doty was a poor boy in rural California when he walked into a magic shop and met a woman who taught him how to meditate and to think about all the things he wanted. He knew what he wanted: a Rolex, a Porsche, a mansion by the sea, and to become a doctor. Fast-forward 30 years and Doty had become a neuroscientist at Stanford with a fleet of fast cars and a house on the ocean. He had manifested his dream life — only to realise it made him miserable: he lost $75 million in the 2000 dotcom crash, then his marriage, which had suffered from years of him putting work first. This book is about what happened next. It explains that manifestation is not magical thinking: it has a basis in neuroscience. If we spend time imagining these things, the images become embedded into our subconscious, which means that our conscious mind looks for things in the real world that align with this image. In this thinking person’s version of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, Doty walks us through various breathing and visualisation exercises, which I found helpful and relaxing.
Yellow Kite £16.99
Buy a copy of Mind Magic here
Unstressable: A Practical Guide to Stress-Free Living by Mo Gawdat and Alice Law
A practical, clear and refreshing guide to alleviating stress that examines what causes it and when and how it tips into burnout. The authors — both of whose fathers died of stress-related issues — believe we can take more control of our stressful environment than we do: we can choose not to watch 24/7 news and serial killer series in our spare time; we can do basic things like switch off our phones and take deep breaths. And they also point out that sometimes stress is unavoidable, so roll with it. They make the case that difficult times can lead to something called post-traumatic growth. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger; it might seem like obvious advice, but something about this book made me pay attention.
Bluebird £16.99
Buy a copy of Unstressable here
Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Joy of Single Life by Bella DePaulo
Bella DePaulo, a social scientist who has spent her career studying the single experience and a lifetime living it, believes that some people are single at heart. As she puts it: “For us, single life is our best life. It is our most authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling life.” This book is about those people and how to know if you are one of them, even if you are in a couple. I nodded along in recognition, grateful to read about other people like me. This is an important book, showing the stigma attached to the unattached. It’s also useful for coupled-up people who want to understand their single friends more.
Profile £14.99
Buy a copy of Single at Heart here
The Laws of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Will Transform Your Life by David Robson
We all know that to be healthy we need to eat well, sleep for eight hours, avoid stress and exercise regularly. But did you know that we also need to spend time with friends? “According to an enormous body of research, social connection is as essential for our long-term health as a balanced diet and regular physical activity, while loneliness can be a slow-acting poison that severely reduces our lifespan,” the science writer David Robson argues. When we form meaningful bonds with others, our wounds heal faster, we shake off infections more quickly and our blood pressure drops. Robson also offers ways to help us interact with each other in a better way, and dismisses the idea that it is possible to not be a “people person”. It is our fear of not being liked that holds us back. So go to that party this weekend — it might save your life.
Canongate £18.99
Buy a copy of The Laws of Connection here
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What was the best self-help book you read this year? Add your recommendations in the comments
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