George Carlin and Past Political Humorists Used a Dark Sense of Humor — Surely I Can Relocate Mine

I haven’t written ANY type of humor since the 2024 election — Not my usual dark humor, and certainly nothing light. My funny bone may be broken.

Maybe if I try to channel George Carlin and other prescient humorists who inspired me in my youth through older adulthood — and no, I won’t tell you how old I am — I can get back on the satire horse I’m usually adept at riding.

George Carlin on the United States Bill of Rights: (Click the link to watch Carlin’s standup routine on YouTube.)

“But let’s say…let’s say God gave us the original 10. He gave the British 13. The British Bill of Rights has 13 stipulations. The Germans have 29, the Belgians have 25, the Swedish have only 6, and some people in the world have no rights at all. What kind of a fuckin’ god damn god given deal is that!?…NO RIGHTS AT ALL!? Why would God give different people in different countries a different number of different rights? Boredom? Amusement? Bad arithmetic? Do we find out, at long last, after all this time, that God is weak in math skills? Doesn’t sound like divine planning to me. Sounds more like human planning. Sounds more like one group trying to control another group. In other words…business as usual in America.” — George Carlin

There you have it. A dark view of humans, human rights, and so-called God-given rights. Human rights is nothing more than human planning, and we all went to lunch while planning human rights, and forgot to clock back in.

Will Rogers, who gigged the government in the 1920s and 1930s, preceded Carlin with pithy, amusing, and insightfully accurate views about government. Although he once said, “I’ve never met a man I didn’t like.” Clearly he never met Trump.

“Why don’t they pass a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as Prohibition did, in five years we will have the smartest people on earth.” — Will Rogers

Wow, did he see that coming almost 100 years ago. He was joking, but let’s hope he called it. Since we’re on the path of prohibiting learning about our full history, or allowing kids to read any “woke” authors, maybe, just maybe, kids will rebel and actually get smarter.

Which would make our electorate smarter. Sigh. From Will Roger’s lips to our ears.

Or as Carlin would put it:

Image from Reddit r/QuotesPom

Sound mean? Maybe. But consider that only one-fourth of all eligible voters in the United States voted for either candidate in the 2024 presidential election. That adds up to only half the population of eligible voters.

You do the rest of the math. Seriously, I’m tired.

Will Rogers also called Republicans out with this ditty:

“The Republican platform promises to do better. I don’t think they have done so bad. Everybody’s broke but them.” — Will Rogers

Of course, the guys and gals of today who follow tech bros believe with all their hearts that if they vote Republican they’ll get rich, too. We’ll see. History, so far, hasn’t proven that belief.

Except for creating just enough Bitcoin and TikTok millionaires to inspire the young content creators to keep plugging away. Don’t ask me how I know.

Even Trump said economies are always better under the Democrats.

Another paragon of dark, but hilarious, humor is Texas’ own Molly Ivins. She was an icon and one of my idols, who made fun of both Texas and racism by saying,

Racists seem obsessed by the idea that illegal workers — the hardest-working, poorest people in America — are somehow getting away with something, sneaking goodies that should be for Americans. You can always avoid this problem by having no social services. This is the refreshing Texas model, and it works a treat.

Molly Ivins

She died in 2007, and sadly — or not so sadly for her — missed the current madness.

Good ole gals are as funny as any good ole boy, no matter what Vance and his acolytes may believe.

What would Molly have to say today?

Here’s one thing, but it’s not a bit funny. It’s close to home and scary, but once you read it, I’ll jump back into humor.

“When politicians start talking about large groups of their fellow Americans as ‘enemies,’ it’s time for a quiet stir of alertness. Polarizing people is a good way to win an election, and also a good way to wreck a country.”

― Molly Ivins

So there’s that. There’s also this from Molly Ivins, for all the people who say both parties suck.

“It’s like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you’re wrong.”
— Molly Ivins

What about those people who didn’t vote? Those who can’t be bothered with, or by, politics? What about people who don’t realize that politics, while potentially entertaining, is also as serious as a heart attack. And then some.

“Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom that you can decide you don’t much care for.” — Molly Ivins

We may not like politics, but we’re stuck with politics.

No matter where you run in the world — and many of us want to do just that — RUN— you’ll encounter some kind of politics.

As Molly says,

“During a … panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: “Look out! They’re about to smack you around again!” — Molly Ivins

Well, we have been well and truly smacked around this time. Especially those of us who happen to be female. The country is like an abused woman who goes back to her abusive husband.

Not funny? Damn. You see my problem?

Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008. He placed second on Comedy Central’s list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, while Rolling Stone magazine ranked him second on its list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time in 2017, in both cases behind Richard Pryor.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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Photo credit: iStock.com

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