Illustration by Graham Roumieu
Some travellers just don’t know how to graciously visit other places. But for the rest of us, that’s what makes the Travel Hall of Infamy – celebrating its 40th year in 2024 – the gift that keeps on giving. From walrus bothering to inflight idiocy to cruise ship fisticuffs, read on for a full serving of wonderfully woeful tourist behaviour.
The Sand Gets Everywhere Award
Illustration by Graham Roumieu
… goes to the three male tourists who paid unconventional homage to Namibia’s iconic Big Daddy sand dune by removing all their clothes for some grinning, willy-waggling photos. That might have been the end of it if the images (and a video) hadn’t exploded across social media faster than a new Taylor Swift meme – prompting ministry of environment spokesperson Romeo Muyunda to decry the “extremely shocking” behaviour before optimistically adding, “We appeal to that section of tourists to summon the conscience so that they do the right things.”
The I’m Only Here For The Beer Award
Illustration by Graham Roumieu
… goes to EasyJet holidaymaker Brian Watt who indulged in a tipple or three before boarding his Glasgow-to-Tenerife flight, where he quickly executed a comprehensive checkbox of idiotic behaviour. Refusing to remain seated, the booze-addled flyer smoked in the toilets, smashed a soap dispenser, hurled abuse at everyone within earshot and, for a final flourish, urinated in full view of fellow passengers. The result? The plane was diverted to Bristol Airport, where Watt was removed and later sentenced to an eight-month jail stretch – giving him plenty of time to flick through some holiday brochures and plan his next jolly jaunt.
The Tone Deaf Workout Award
… goes to U.S.-based Instagrammer Marimar Perez whose 140,000 followers love watching videos of the former gymnast exercising her sculpted bod at home and around the world. One trip took her to Japan, where the abs-forward tourist spotted an irresistible avenue of red-painted rectangular archways perfect for a picturesque pull-up movie accompanied by pulsating dance music. But the archways were actually torri – sacred gateway entrances to Shinto shrines – and the resulting viral video was widely denounced on social media, where words like “vulgar,” “disrespectful” and “uneducated” dropped like medicine balls on a glass coffee table.
The He Just Needs A Hug Award
Illustration by Graham Roumieu
… goes to the Polish tourist visiting the Norwegian Arctic archipelago of Svalbard, who spotted a cuddly walrus posing on the ice floe like a big fluffy cat. Hopping across the frozen chunks for some quality time with a critter that can weigh up to 2,000 kilograms, has razor-sharp tusks and can run as fast as a (tasty-looking) human, incredulous locals watched the misguided selfie-snapper from the shoreline as he inched toward his fate. Just in time, authorities intervened to save him from an almost guaranteed Darwin Awards entry, and he was later fined 12,500 Norwegian Kroner for wildlife bothering.
The Shag A Statue Award
… goes to the young female tourist in Florence who, presumably after one-too-many grappas, spotted a handsome fella giving her the eye on a busy street near the Ponte Vecchio bridge. Unable to resist his come-hither glances and his clothes-free approach to life, her admittedly one-sided kissing quickly progressed to what the BBC reported as “miming a lewd act.” It’s not clear what the statue of Bacchus, the Roman god of wine and revelry, thought about the unexpected attention but locals were appalled when photos of the late-night make out session began lighting up social media feeds around the world.
The Boys Will Be Boys Award
… goes to a pair of 20-year-old German tourists who knew exactly how to have a good time during their sun-dappled Mallorca hotel stay. Not content with destroying the mattresses and furniture in their room, the terrible Teutons elevated proceedings by emptying two of the property’s fire extinguishers. That left them plenty of time to head back to the elevators for a hearty round of lift-based defecation, no doubt delighting fellow guests when the doors next opened. Not quite seeing the funny side, police arrested the lads the next day and a court case quickly followed.
The All You Can Beat Award
Illustration by Graham Roumieu
… goes to Carnival Cruise Line passengers on a Caribbean vacation who aimed to satisfy their late-night cravings at the ship’s 24-hour buffet. Fellow cruiser Nick Richardson told USA Today that when he arrived for some pizza at 3 a.m., he found an overly animated group of 15 or so passengers “talking trash to each other” between the heated food counters. Whatever they were debating – pasta sauce recipes or baked Alaska tips, perhaps – quickly escalated, with fists, plates and chairs flying around like dinner rolls in a tornado. Security guards soon restored order and Carnival later banned the buffet brawlers for life.
The Tag I’m It Award
… goes to the Dutch tourist visiting the ancient town of Herculaneum near Naples, which was decimated by 79 AD’s Mount Vesuvius eruption and is now home to dozens of carefully preserved archeological sites. That rich history meant so much to our self-absorbed explorer that he uncapped his indelible black marker and scrawled some jagged graffiti onto the interior wall of a 2,000-year-old Roman house. Quickly detained at the site, the pen-wielding scribbler didn’t have a leg to stand on when police arrived since his impromptu annotation turned out to be his personal graffiti tag.
The Pooh Sticks Award
Illustration by Graham Roumieu
… goes to the Shanghai Disneyland visitor who was presumably reminded of some deep childhood trauma on a trip to the popular park when the large, wobbly-headed figure of Winnie the Pooh ambled toward him during a parade. A viral video shows the man lunging at the bright-yellow honey-hogger, smacking him on the head and causing him to collapse like a furry sack of spuds. Staff rushed to rescue the cheery ursine mascot, while officials later confirmed that the visitor “faced consequences.” Which, hopefully, included a nighttime visitation from an avenging Heffalump or two.
This post was originally published on here
