Dig through cinema’s litter box and all kinds of “gems” exist. Yeah, there are serious stinkers that require sage to cleanse rooms from their after-effects, but there are also diamonds in the rough — the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ movies that keep audiences coming back over and over again. From a critical perspective, these productions are far from great in various criteria, but viewers don’t care about such frivolous matters. The films hold a certain charm and captivating magic that money can’t buy, possessing the ability to lift moods through the mere mention of their names.
Lest we forget, cinema proves to be a subjective experience. One person’s Uwe Boll is another’s Martin Scorsese. As long as everyone’s enjoying themselves, let them. There’s no need to be the gatekeeper of joy in life.
From slashers in space to snakes on a plane, let’s fill up that watchlist for the next few weeks with the 15 best ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ movies.
Jason X
By 2001, Jason Voorhees had already ventured out further than Crystal Lake, heading out to both Manhattan and Hell — which may be the same place depending on traffic. Nonetheless, he was running out of areas to terrorize. Writer Todd Farmer envisioned an idea that can best be described as the love child of “Demolition Man” and “Alien”: Jason gets cryogenically frozen, then awakens on a spaceship known as the Grendel in 2455, where he gets to hack and slash his way through a crew. But wait, there’s more! Since this is set in the future, Jason’s body gets repaired by nanite technology, and he turns into a cyborg wrecking machine.
“Jason X” jolts the franchise — which ironically promised the final chapter six movies earlier — in the arm with the right amount of campiness and innovation it required at this point in its history. Tragically, it isn’t considered the best movie in the “Friday the 13th” franchise, according to fans, but it put fun at the top of the agenda and paved the way for the crossover to end all crossovers, “Freddy vs. Jason,” which arrived two years later.
Masters of the Universe
The basic premise of “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” revolves around He-Man and his warrior friends stopping Skeletor from taking over the planet of Eternia and discovering the secrets of Castle Grayskull. So, of course, The Cannon Group did what they always do and slashed the budget for the 1987 live-action “Masters of the Universe” movie to set most of the action on Earth. Here, on the third rock from the Sun, He-Man and his pals need to find Gwildor’s powerful portal opener, known as the Cosmic Key, which has found its way into the hands of two teens (played by Courteney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill), before Skeletor and his goons do.
Despite the lack of Battle Cat, Orko, and the more colorful elements of the animated show and toyline, “Masters of the Universe” establishes itself as a highly watchable and breezy fantasy film. Dolph Lundgren nails the role of He-Man, to the point in which it’s impossible to imagine anyone else as the character, and Frank Langella slides into the part of Skeletor as if he was born to play the bony villain. Also, the final fight between He-Man and the golden god version of Skeletor is a chef’s kiss. By the power of Grayskull, this movie is every ’80s kid’s wildest dream.
Jingle All the Way
In 1996’s “Jingle All the Way,” Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Howard Langston, a hardworking man who focuses too much on his job and not enough on his family. His son, Jamie (Jake Lloyd), wants the hottest gift of the season for Christmas: a Turbo Man action figure. However, Howard forgets to buy the toy when his wife told him to, so he does the unthinkable: He wanders into the viper’s pit known as last-minute Christmas Eve shopping to find a Turbo Man for Jamie. May Santa be with him!
Christmas movies love to hit the feels and remind people all about the holiday spirit. What’s hilarious about “Jingle All the Way” is how it also paints a picture of how people forget this special spirit in their other pair of pants while out shopping. It’s a smarter film than people give it credit for, since it shines the light on how the holiday season has become radically commercialized to the extent in which it’s all about the gifts under the decorated tree and not family. It’s also just a lot of silly fun.
Super Mario Bros.
Look, turning the “Super Mario Bros.” video game into a live-action film was always going to be a big task. After all, this is a franchise about two plumber brothers who traverse through pipes in a magical mushroom kingdom to battle a turtle-like tyrant and save a princess who can’t seem to stay out of trouble for a single day. It’s the kind of story someone imagines after eating Taco Bell after midnight. Bless filmmakers Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel for at least trying in the 1993 film, starring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi respectively.
This film lacks the bright and vibrant palette of the games and sees the brothers travel to the dystopian Dinohattan instead of the Mushroom Kingdom, but it commits to every single whacky idea and concept, turning up the goofiness to 11 and refusing to play anything straight. Seriously, how many other movies feature tiny headed goombas dancing with each other in an elevator? Based on this scene alone, it’s time everyone admits the 1993 “Super Mario Bros.” movie is better than the more recent animated film in every conceivable way.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
No film embodies the year 1991 more than “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.” The pizza. The clothes. The lingo. The music. The pointless sequel. It’s all about overindulgence here as the Heroes in a Half Shell kick back against the Shredder (François Chau), who’s secured mutagen of his own and creates two Temu versions of Bebop and Rocksteady: Tokka and Rahzar.
Like an 88-minute sugar rush, this spectacle doesn’t let up until the Turtles finally conquer Super Shredder, but only after a brief dance and fight to the tune of Vanilla Ice’s “Ninja Rap.” For a six-year-old watching this for the first time, it was the equivalent of experiencing the gravitas of “Gladiator” as an adult. Sure, this film is nowhere near as good or stylish as its 1990 predecessor — and the turtles scale down on weapon combat drastically — but “The Secret of the Ooze” plays out like a live-action cartoon, which is never a bad thing when showcasing Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo.
3 Ninjas
The early ’90s loved its martial arts films as much as its techno — and thanks to the success of flicks like “The Karate Kid,” filmmakers tried to figure out a way to integrate children into these types of movies. In 1992, director Jon Turteltaub unleashed “3 Ninjas” on the world. It follows the story of three brothers — Rocky (Michael Treanor), Colt (Max Elliott Slade), and Tum-Tum (Chad Power) — who learn ninjutsu from their grandfather (Victor Wong) and fight bad guys and school bullies.
Does it have the nuance and emotional depth of “The Karate Kid” at all? Nope. Does it have someone like Chuck Norris in “Sidekicks” for action cred? Sadly, no. But “3 Ninjas” never falters in the “Home Alone”-inspired humor and displaying the power of brotherly love (and three-on-one fights). It spawned three sequels, including “3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain” starring Hulk Hogan, but the less said about those efforts the better. Ain’t nobody about to let mega-low-budget-mania run wild, brother!
Street Fighter
As it stands, the “Street Fighter” video game series features a flimsy story barely dangling between two toothpicks. Fighters from around the world gather to battle each other and defeat the big boss, M. Bison. Why? No one knows, but there’s no better feeling than roundhouse kicking him to kingdom come. The “Street Fighter” live-action film sees Bison — played by a sensational Raul Julia in his final on-screen performance — plot to rule the world, so it’s up to Colonel William Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and a team of world warriors to stop the megalomaniac villain in his tracks.
Despite what the internet tells you, the 1994 “Street Fighter” movie is good. It captures the bonkers nature of the video game franchise and the magnetic personalities of the charismatic fighters. As expected, JCVD receives the chance to spit out stellar one-liners that K.O. his opponents due to their B-movie-drenched goodness, while Julia commands the screen at every turn. Julia’s Bison even delivers one of the best bits of dialogue ever committed to film: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.”
Alien vs. Predator
A person requires a university degree in the “Alien” and “Predator” mythologies to keep track of the timeline jumps and what’s canon and what isn’t in these two franchises. Director Paul W. S. Anderson keeps up the trend by throwing another spanner into the mix in the shape of 2004’s “Alien vs. Predator.” The crossover film sees Charles Weyland (Lance Henriksen) send a team to explore a mysterious pyramid buried under the ice. Well, it turns out it’s all a trap so the humans can be used as hosts for the pesky Xenomorphs, who then act as prey for the young Yautja to hunt as a rite of passage. It’s like the sci-fi “Hard Target,” but the alien creatures take the place of the mulleted Chance Boudreaux.
“Alien vs. Predator” becomes all about the gory action and monster clashes, with no one giving a hoot about any of the uncompelling human characters. It doesn’t advance either franchise in any way — in fact, it rips the timeline and canon to shreds even further — but the big dumb fun proves to be contagious in the best kind of way. Heck, the film can even count James Cameron as one of its fans. Avoid the sequel, “Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem,” at all costs, though.
Dracula 2000
The year 2000 brought with it fear and anxiety. No one understood how computers would react to the new millennium, dreading if the cards of “Solitaire” would rise up to form a rebellion and slaughter everyone for daring to play “Minesweeper” instead. Milking this uncertainty, creatives added “2000” to the end of absolutely everything to signify how the world was changing and these were different times. Step forth “Dracula 2000,” a horror film that sees the world’s most infamous bloodsucker resurrect in the then-modern era.
Does it have the gothic allure, gorgeous cinematography, and deft romanticism of Francis Ford Coppola’s “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” from 1992? Not in one hundred lifetimes. But what it does have in its favor is a rampant and rambunctious Gerard Butler as Drac, a fantastic nu metal soundtrack featuring the likes of Powerman 5000, Linkin Park, and Disturbed, and an intriguing backstory for the bloodsucker that ties him to Judas Iscariot from Christian theology. This iteration of the vampire received two sequels — sadly, they weren’t titled “Dracula 2001” and “Dracula 2002” because Hollywood frequently makes poor decisions.
Samurai Cop
The ’90s was a time of infinite possibility. It wasn’t unusual to see a cop become a cyborg or even a samurai. Hence the premise for 1991’s “Samurai Cop.” Director Amir Shervan’s cult classic sees Mathew Karedas (under the name of Matt Hanon) play Joe Marshall, a martial arts-trained cop who transfers to the Los Angeles Police Department to help sort out the gang woes plaguing the city. Don’t be surprised if the plot lacks any depth beyond the title of the movie, because logic takes a backseat here.
While classified as an action film, “Samurai Cop” plays out better as a comedy because of the awful acting and ludicrous action scenes. As soon as everyone’s in on the joke, they chuckle and put this type of feature in the same category as other nonsense like “Kung Pow! Enter the Fist.” For those who can’t get enough of Joe Marshall, the good news is there’s also a sequel titled “Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance,” which also features Tommy Wiseau of “The Room” fame.
Snakes on a Plane
Just when the world thought “Anaconda” was the most ridiculous movie to ever feature a snake, David R. Ellis asked everyone to hold his beer and delivered 2006’s “Snakes on a Plane.” Starring Samuel L. Jackson as Agent Neville Flynn, this thriller — though it’s more of a comedy under the right circumstances — sees Jackson’s character having to protect a plane full of people after a crime boss unleashes venomous snakes onboard the aircraft an attempt to eliminate a witness. Well, that’s one way to do it, I guess.
Undeniably, “Snakes on a Plane” is the Holy Grail of schlockbusters. It’s absurd, unbelievable, and deserves to be immortalized in the almanacs of cinema for daring to be so bold. This a movie about snakes on a plane, and there are no lies told since that’s exactly what’s delivered here. Perhaps the only tragedy is that there was no sequel titled “Snakes on a Train,” because who wouldn’t want to see that too?
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
How is it possible that a sequel with a higher budget looks cheaper than its predecessor? That’s the answer “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation” owes its viewers. The 1997 film is no flawless victory, as Lord Raiden (James Remar) and Earthrealm’s heroes attempt to defeat Shao Khan (Brian Thompson) and the nefarious forces of Outworld. The John R. Leonetti-directed movie overflows with way too many characters and contradicting ideas and zero cohesiveness to back it up or help make any stitch of sense.
That said, the chaotic nature amuses. For one, the film features some of the worst acting and line delivery in a major motion picture. Then, there’s the issue of characters somersaulting into the scenes — they just go round and round in circles like they’re auditioning to be Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, and who could ever forget the Animalities used by Liu Kang (Robin Shou) and Shao Khan?! To call the CGI rough is too kind. Regardless, “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation” is unquestionably the crown jewel of ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ movies, because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Spawn
Todd McFarlane’s “Spawn” positioned itself as a darker and edgier comic book series aimed more at mature audiences than kids. It centers around Al Simmons who dies and cuts a deal with the demonic Malebolgia to come back to life and see his wife, Wanda, once again. However, the demon tricks Al and turns him into a hellspawn, so it’s up to Al to rebel against Hell’s forces. The 1997 live-action film follows a similar trajectory to the character’s comic book origin, however, it falls off the cliff rather quickly and transforms into a goofy PG-13 superhero movie. From John Leguizamo’s Clown letting out violent farts to Michael Jai White’s Spawn trying to navigate a CGI cape, it’s a film that can’t decide if it’s using Sam Raimi’s “Darkman” or Charles Jarrott’s “Condorman” as its main influence.
All things considered, though, “Spawn” is actually one of the better comic book movies of its time. Think about what was on offer in 1997 as alternatives: “Batman & Robin,” “Steel,” “Barb Wire,” “The Phantom” were on the plate. “Spawn” looks like “The Dark Knight” in comparison to at least some of these eye-bleachers, though Pamela Anderson in “Barb Wire” and Billy Zane in “The Phantom” have their defenders here at /Film. McFarlane promised that the “Spawn” reboot will be joyless, so cherish this movie with your whole heart.
Over the Top
One of Sylvester Stallone’s most peculiar films remains 1987’s “Over the Top,” which he stars in and co-wrote with Stirling Silliphant. Stallone portrays truck driver Lincoln Hawk, who tries to mend fences with his young son, Michael (David Mendenhall), as they embark on a trip and Lincoln attempts to become a championship arm wrestler. It’s bizarre to think about how all these elements fit together here, but just go with it in this ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ movie.
While it’s far from Stallone’s best film, “Over the Top” is certainly the greatest movie about arm wrestling. It’s cheesy, sentimental, and — pardon the pun — over the top in its execution, boasting more product placements than actual story, but hey, it’s never boring for a second. Also, it’s touching to see how Lincoln and his son discover Fred Durst’s hidden secret: Wearing a cap backwards empowers the wearer with superpowers to achieve feats other mortals could only dream about.
Morbius
Okay, okay. The inclusion of “Morbius” might raise a few eyebrows here, but let’s look at the facts for a moment: First, this superhero movie paid Jared Leto to be weird and overdramatic as a comic book character again. And yes, it’s better than his performance as Joker in “Suicide Squad.” Plus, “Morbius” supplied the world with an endless stream of memes and laughs, including the now-legendary “It’s Morbin time” phrase. And finally, it’s miles better than the cinematic equivalent of a toilet plunger, “Madame Web.” In fact, “Morbius” might be the best movie in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe after 2018’s “Venom,” at least when it comes to movies without Spider-Man.
As a film, “Morbius” ventures into the same generic waters as early 2000s superhero fodder and doesn’t really push the genre an inch forward, but it’s an undeniable event that merits being spoken about. Maybe this so-bad-it’s-good movie’s biggest selling point isn’t actually the origin of the living vampire, but it’s all the friends we made along the way. Never forget that 2022 was truly the year of “Morbius.”
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