The Notebook is romantic classic – but here is everything that is wrong with toxic film

I loved The Notebook as a teenager, I thought it was a sweet film where we saw two people who were meant to be coming back together after years apart, through no fault of their own. However, when you look back at a film with older eyes, you can sometimes realise things, and that’s exactly what happened when I watched The Notebook in hindsight. Far too often, we as an audience, can get wrapped up in the whole concept of a “first love”, and not allow ourselves to realise that people grow up; it’s happened one too many times. 

The Notebook was a prime example of this, because while Allie moved on, Noah hadn’t, really, and when we saw them reunite we instantly wanted them back together. But life doesn’t work that way, and when you look back at this pairing in hindsight there is one thing that is all too clear: they were toxic.

Right from the start, their relationship is filled with manipulation tactics, it’s not a health relationship by any means whatsoever, Noah threatening to drop off the Ferris wheel unless she agrees to a date is, honestly, outrageous. That’s one of the worst parts about it, honestly, and that’s only a few minutes into the show.

They argue constantly, and I’m not here to say that arguing isn’t normal, but on one occassion when they fight Allie gets even more frustrated because she knows the typical thing they do is to make up afterwards, and they don’t immediately, and that is manipulative too, it’s suggesting that the only reason the argument even exists is to get her own way, because she knows it’ll all be fine in a few minutes.

Finally, Allie’s fiance Lon is a great choice for her, for the adult version of her, he’s stable, kind, and gets on with her family, it’s quite the dream, but she leaves for a weekend of cheating with her former lover who she had a toxic relationship with — but this is the thing with something toxic, it’s all-consuming, so much so it probably felt “right” for her.

We then learn that Allie’s mother had a relationship just like Allie, but she wasn’t “brave” enough to continue on with it; now this is sad, because we also see the heartbreak that comes from not choosing your true love, but was Noah Allie’s true love, or was she just consumed by their relationship?

Now don’t get me wrong, the film ends absolutely beautifully in the most tragic way possible, and they were clearly in love, but what that doesn’t change is that the toxic cycles were pushed and idealised in the book, and therefore the film, throughout.

Both of them had toxic behaviours towards the others, Noah was a borderline narcissist, while both Allie and Noah were emotionally manipulative. I loved the film as a teenager, I always did, but would I ever approve of my daughter watching it when she’s a teenager and thinking that’s what a healthy relationship should look like? Absolutely not.