I grew up in a house filled with books and book-lovers. My father worked as a textbook editor when I was young. His job had one extraordinary perk as far as my five brothers and sisters and I were concerned — the oversized box of children’s books that landed on the door of the yellow farmhouse once a year. Books were transformation, imagination and conduits of truths that, once learned, could change us. They taught me empathy and the power of witnessing and being witnessed, and I have never missed my parents as much as the day I published my first book.
As an author and a trauma therapist specializing in grief and loss, I am often asked what books I recommend to support grievers. I have a ready list of books that people have told me taught them something and helped them to feel less alone in loss.
Because reading can be a challenge in the first few months after a loss, I often send a book a few months later with a note that says, “You might like it — you might throw it across the room, but either way, you know I was thinking of you.” Here are a few of my personal and professional favorites.
For kids: ‘The ABC’s of Grief’ by Jessica Correnti
This three-book series focuses on how grief feels. The illustrations are beautiful, and the exploration of vocabulary will help adults like me put words to their grief experiences as well.
For middle-grade readers: ‘Lemons’ by Melissa Savage
My 8-year-old son picked this out when we were in the UK (where the title is Bigfoot, Tobin & Me) largely because he liked the cover. It centers on 10-year-old Lemonade Liberty Witt, who has just moved to a town she’s never visited to live with a grandfather she’s never met after her mother’s death. We couldn’t put it down. I read this book just after my mother died and wept through every page.
General Support: ‘Good Mourning: Honest Conversations About Grief and Loss’ by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn
The authors met in a support group after the deaths of their mothers. This incredible Aussie duo, who co-host a podcast of the same name, tackles every aspect of loss, seeking advice from experts and then breaking complex concepts down into easy-to-understand nuggets to help grievers like me feel seen and understood.
A Clinical Point of View: ‘Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go’ by Gina Moffa
Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss Hardcover August 22, 2023by Gina Moffa LCSW
Written by a trauma therapist, this book’s easy and honest writing makes even the most difficult concepts approachable. Moffa has wisdom to offer all grievers and even the most seasoned clinicians. This book is my favorite recommendation for anyone wondering if they might need to step up their grief support.
Minimized Losses: ‘Soul Broken’ by Stephanie Sarazin
This award-winning book covers the critically important topic of grief that is largely ignored by society — the kind that accompanies divorce, a significant breakup, a life-changing medical diagnosis or a broken connection with someone with substance abuse disorder.
Sarazin tackles the question of how to grieve people who are still alive but no longer who they once were to us. This book has helped me and countless clients identify and process ambiguous loss.
Grief Over Time: ‘The After Grief’ by Hope Edelman
Part grief support and part longitudinal research study, this book by the founder of Motherless Daughters offers page after page wisdom about how grief changes over time and how people who have lived with grief describe their transformation.
Parent or Friend Loss: ‘Tell Me More’ by Kelly Corrigan
A friend gave me this book by the podcaster and TV show host just after my father died. Corrigan’s story of the death of her father and then of her best friend made me laugh, cry and feel hopeful that life somehow manages to move on even after profound loss.
Spouse Loss: ‘Black Widow’ by Leslie Gray Streeter
This beautiful memoir tells the story of the death of Streeter’s baseball-loving husband Scott, just as they are in the process of adopting their son. The book affirms the many ways to make a family and how those bonds hold us through loss and growth over time.
Parent Loss: ‘The Rules of Inheritance’ by Claire Bidwell Smith
The Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith
Barely an adult herself when both her parents were diagnosed with cancer at the same time, grief expert and clinician Bidwell Smith offers a personal story of grief, accountability and the brutality of what it means to learn to live without your primary support.
Child Loss: ‘Breath Taking’ by Jessica Fein
Breath Taking Kindle Editionby Jessica Fein
This book had me in tears from the first page. Largely focused on the beautiful life and the tragic death of her daughter Dalilah, Fein describes the importance of support from friends and family and learning to live in the moment.
Grief for Geeks: ‘The Grieving Brain’ by Mary Frances O’Connor
The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss Paperback February 7, 2023by Mary-Frances O’Connor (Author)
This book is my personal favorite because it explains the mechanisms of how grief impacts the brain and, consequentially, the body. I find the information comforting and am so grateful to O’Connor for finding a way to make neuroscience approachable.
Creating Ritual: ‘Finding the Words’ by Colin Campbell
Campbell’s teenage twins Ruby and Hart were killed instantaneously when his car was hit by a drunk and high driver. Campbell writes plainly and directly about his experience and how he learned to carry his loss.
The author is my guru for creating ritual. He and his wife Gail cheers their children saying “to Ruby and Hart” over cocktails and invite friends to the beach to write their names in the sand on anniversaries. In telling his story, Campbell invites readers to love his children, even though they’ve never met.
Spiritual Guidance: ‘For You When I am Gone’ by Steve Leder
I always keep several copies of this book (and its accompanying workbook) on hand. Part personal narrative, part guide, this book helps grievers, supporters and those thinking about life’s legacy through the hard questions of how you want to be remembered and what it would take to ensure that outcome.
Can Anyone Tell Me? Essential Questions About Grief and Loss comes out Oct. 29 and is available for preorder now, wherever books are sold.
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