Traveling with your partner is a great way to strengthen your bond while exploring a new destination and making lifelong memories together.
“Sometimes couples get stuck in familiar grooves of conflict, entrenched roles and squabbles while living out the same daily routine at home,” clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff told HuffPost. “Vacation provides the opportunity to reconnect emotionally, explore a new terrain and rediscover how you both are teammates to ultimately remember why you originally picked each other.”
But couples trips can also bring logistical challenges, unexpected hiccups and disagreements as you navigate disparate priorities and each try to make the most of your time away.
To help make this kind of vacation a more enjoyable experience, HuffPost asked Romanoff and other relationship experts to share some common mistakes that couples make while traveling together.
1. Not Discussing Expectations In Advance
“People have different needs and wants when it comes to travel,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Gayane Aramyan. “Some individuals love planning a whole itinerary, and others like going with the flow. A big common mistake is that couples don’t actually talk about their expectations of the upcoming trip and expect their partners to read their mind.”
She recommended taking the time to discuss each other’s needs and preferences in advance. How do you feel about adventure activities compared with relaxation? What about dining at restaurants, trying street food or hitting up a local grocery store and cooking? Do you want to stick to a strict itinerary or prioritize spontaneity?
“Many couples assume they’re on the same page without clearly expressing their thoughts or preferences,” said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institute. “This assumption often leads to unmet expectations when reality doesn’t match up. Some fear conflict so they avoid tough conversations to maintain peace, especially before a vacation. They may downplay or avoid discussing their true desires, thinking that expressing different preferences will cause tension. This conflict avoidance can lead to disappointment when both parties realize they didn’t get what they wanted.”
2. Failing To Reach A Compromise On Your Itinerary
Just as it’s important to communicate expectations before the trip, reaching a compromise in areas where you differ is a crucial pre-vacation step.
“Agree on eating arrangements in advance,” advised counselor and hypnotherapist Susan Leigh. “One may like to cut back on what they deem to be random expenditure [and] so prefers to bring sandwiches and snacks from home. Whilst the other may be in holiday mode the minute they leave the house and wants to enjoy better-quality meal breaks.”
Similarly, one partner might prefer the speed and ease of taxis, but the other wants to save money and experience the cultural immersion of local transit. One might enjoy staying out late partying or chatting with new local friends while the other is happier going to sleep earlier to feel fresh the next day.
“Discuss and find ways to reach a compromise,” Leigh said. “Some of these issues can be agreed in advance by talking it through.”
Compromise is the backbone of a successful getaway as a couple ― and a successful relationship in general.
“You’ll learn whether your partner is flexible and willing to compromise or if they tend to be rigid in their preferences,” Needle noted. “This insight can be valuable in understanding how you both might handle compromise in other areas of life.”
3. Overplanning
“A common mistake couples make when traveling together is overplanning ― and not building in enough down time or any solo time,” said psychotherapist and sex therapist Dulcinea Alex Pitagora. “Sometimes people can bring a scarcity mindset with them on vacation, which makes them feel like they have to pack as much as possible into every minute. This can lead to exhaustion and overstimulation, which when combined with sleeping and eating in a different than usual location, can lead to additional conflict.”
Again, proactive communication can help prevent this mistake. Discuss how much alone time and/or rest time you each want to incorporate into the trip.
“Balance your schedule with both activities and relaxation. Allow each other personal space to recharge so you’re refreshed and ready to enjoy the next part of your trip together,” advised Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and author of “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story.”
4. Not Doing Check-Ins Throughout The Trip
“Plan check-ins during the vacation to see how things are going and whether any changes need to be made,” Pitagora said. “Basically it boils down to being aware of one’s own needs and being able to communicate them to a partner, as well as listen to their partner’s needs and collaborating.”
These check-ins don’t have to be super long or emotionally fraught.
“Really just think about the basics that keep us from getting in conflict at any other time as well, including getting enough rest, eating food that fuels the body and feels good, drinking enough water and communicating when something feels off instead of repressing it or waiting for it to intensify,” Pitagora said.
5. Letting One Person Arrange Everything
“When only one partner is responsible for determining how time is allocated, money is spent and which activities are chosen, it can cause anger on behalf of the planner for holding the mental load of the trip and ensuring everything goes according to plan,” Romanoff said. “It could also cause resentment on behalf of the other partner who could feel disempowered and as if they must ‘go along’ with the other person’s plan.”
Don’t let the bulk of the planning and coordinating fall on one partner. Remember there are plenty of tasks to go around ― from booking flights and accommodations to researching activities and transit options.
“As much as possible, plan the trip together,” said Katie Hevia, a couples therapist at Millennial Life Counseling. “It’s common for one person to be more in the lead of planning, which is a big responsibility and can be a lot of work but should not be done in total isolation. It’s important to get your partner’s buy-in early in the planning process so they feel involved, considered and can weigh in on any potential challenges with the schedule.”
Figure out if the two of you work well collaborating on each task together or if you prefer to divide and conquer various responsibilities.
“For example, one partner could agree to do research before the trip to create a template itinerary of activities, and the other partner could be responsible for reaching out to their social network at home or befriending locals on the trip to scope out the best nightlife events,” Romanoff noted. “It’s helpful for couples to identify each person’s strengths and preferences for planning so they can utilize them for the travel process.”
6. Taking Your At-Home Problems With You On The Trip
“Usually, the problems couples experience at home follow them on vacation,” Romanoff noted.
Rather than simply allowing the status quo to persist, try to see your trip as an opportunity for change.
“The new environment of a trip can often provide couples with a new perspective on their familiar relationship dynamics, as the biases and context of conflict at home can predetermine many arguments,” Romanoff explained. “When there is a ‘blank slate’ of a new location and activities they are sharing together, couples can create new ways of relating to one another instead of falling back into the same roles and unhelpful reactions.”
To that end, she recommended giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and assuming positive intent when they make a mistake, or letting them take the reins on a task you normally feel pressured to carry out yourself. Resist the urge to lean into the frustration you experience at home.
“If your partner tends to be messy or forgetful of their possessions at home, could the adventure of the trip add levity and provide the prospect to increase trust?” Romanoff said. “For example, give your partner the responsibility to be the ‘keeper of the room key’ ― you can set them up for success and also enjoy being able to rely on them in this new way.”
7. Overlooking Financial Considerations
“The excitement of taking a trip together sometimes overtakes the practical aspects, so couples may not establish a clear budget or decide how to divide travel expenses ahead of time,” Hoffman explained. “One person may want to splurge on activities while their partner prefers to look for steals and deals.”
You don’t want to be on different pages as you navigate your trip together.
“Disagreements about how much to spend, where to spend it or how to split costs can create tension, especially in unfamiliar settings where emotions may run higher,” Hoffman said. “Ultimately, money and spending habits relate to values, so couples can use this as an opportunity to communicate more clearly and set the foundation for their shared relationship values.”
8. Taking Opposite Approaches To Packing
“When couples travel together, they might make assumptions about what the other person is bringing, and you could end up without a charger, sans bathing suit or toothpaste-less if you don’t specifically ask about what your partner is bringing,” Hoffman said. “While this could seem minor, it’s actually a big deal as it can create secondary arguments when it impacts the activities you plan to do or forces a stop at a store.”
Try to avoid making assumptions and instead get aligned with your packing goals.
“If one partner packs everything into hand luggage, preferring to be quickly mobile, but their companion has masses of luggage, there may need to be a conversation about how much you need for the length of time and where you’re planning on going once you reach your destination,” Leigh said.
9. Being Unprepared For Disagreements
“Travel often involves unexpected challenges — delays, missed connections or navigating unfamiliar places — and can lead to tense moments or disagreements,” Needle noted.
That’s why it’s important to feel prepared to handle frustrations and conflicts that may arise during your vacation.
“Communicate with each other about any worries you might have before traveling so you can best prepare for the trip,” Aramyan said. “Think about how to handle disagreements or arguments, and try to take things easy when you are traveling.”
Consider your personality differences and past sources of tension as you go into the trip to avoid letting things escalate into a big fight.
“Travel is like a pressure cooker for your relationship dynamics,” Hevia said. “If you tend to be on different pages about finances, logistics, sleep, eating habits, etc., you can expect that all of this will come to a head when traveling together. It’s so important to anticipate those challenges before a trip so you two can navigate them before you even get on the plane.”
10. Forgetting to keep things in perspective
“Not everything will go according to plan,” Hoffman emphasized. “Stay adaptable and patient when things go wrong to keep the mood light and positive.”
Flight cancellations and bad weather can be frustrating, but try to be flexible and enjoy the ride. Travel is a wonderful opportunity that not everyone can afford.
“Keep a sense of humor,” Leigh advised. “Few things will matter in the weeks or months ahead and are often the amusing anecdotes with which you regale family and friends.”
Rather than get bogged down in disagreements over luggage quantities or transit setbacks, remind yourself that you’ll probably laugh about it later. Don’t let it quash your excitement about the vacation.
“Acknowledge your own stress levels when traveling,” Leigh added. “So many things need remembering ― passports, tickets, timings, which terminal. So keep a perspective on what’s happening, breathe and look forward to the days ahead.”
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