The holiday season is upon us, and with it, the desire to escape our own fraught families and finances to take comfort in the world of Christmas movies with their easy charm and relentless cheer.
While we can’t all be drinking mulled cider in flannel pajamas while gazing longingly into the miraculously straight teeth of an unexpected love interest, we can siphon a similar feeling through a saccharine cinematic adventure.
In the hopes that your holidays are more delightful than despairing and your eggnog more nog than egg, we have curated a list of Christmas movies with each zodiac sign in mind.
From new releases to holiday classics, read on, lean in, and be made merry.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
“A Christmas Story”
On the throwback front, “A Christmas Story” checks the boxes for Aries with a storyline that leverages triple dog dares, obsession, poor impulse control, and tacky lamps. For the initiated, “A Christmas Story Christmas,” the sequel to the beloved 1983 original, is available on most streaming services.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
“Miracle on 34th Street”
Taurus folks make for natural skeptics. Rulers of the second house of values and possessions, bulls will approve of “Miracle On 34th Street,” a meditation on capitalism, the burden of proof, and the beauty of believing.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
“The Santa Clauses”
Starring real-life Gemini Tim Allen, “The Santa Clauses” premise is one close to the extremely indecisive heart of every Gemini as a retirement-age Santa must grapple with work/life balance and the consequence of his bad choices.
For a throwback Christmas movie, “Love, Actually,” with its dizzying assemblage of interconnected stories of love, hope, and holiday cheer, will suit the faceted attention span of the Gemini ilk.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
“Falling For Christmas”
Starring Cancer comeback queen Lindsay Lohan, Netflix’s “Falling For Christmas” is the tale of a hotel heiress who loses her memory when she tumbles from the top of a mountain. Hilarity, heartwarming moments, and a face-off with a raccoon ensue.
The trailer reminds us, “sometimes forgetting who you were means discovering who you are,” which sounds very much to me like a water sign justifying their alcohol blackout or poor choice in romantic partners, but either way, we’re into it, and you will be too.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
“Christmas With You”
Starring early aughts heartthrob and Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Jr., Netflix’s “Christmas With You” follows a magnanimous pop star on the career decline who decides to make the wish of one lucky fan (who happens to have one serious hot dad) come true.
Dance routines? Dilfs? Grand gestures? All catnip to Leo.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”
Virgo thrives on being underestimated, and no story encapsulates the spirit of the underdog or under deer, if you will, like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
In the major arcana of the tarot, Virgo is represented by the Hermit who, like Rudolph, illuminates for others a way out and through.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
“Elf”
Because the sun is in fall in Libra, natives are inclined to have difficult relationships with their fathers and never has that dynamic been more delightfully dramatized than in the ballad of Buddy the elf and his dad, a curmudgeon that finally comes around.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
“Spirited ”
Starring IRL Scorpio Ryan Reynolds, “Spirited” is based loosely on Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol.” Promising that on Christmas Eve, “one dark soul is selected for redemption,” Will Ferrell plays the ghost of Christmas present, charged with leading Reynolds on a journey to betterment. No one loves a bad guy goes good story arc more than a Scorpio, making this one a perfect match. Honorable mention goes to Tim Burton’s scorpionic, animated goth masterpiece “A Nightmare Before Christmas.”
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
“A Boy Called Christmas”
Netflix’s “A Boy Called Christmas” follows young Nikolas as he sets forth into the furthest reaches of the north with the royally decreed purpose of retrieving hope. This premise is pure cinematic bait for the average Sagittarius who loves nothing more than an unexpected journey and an optimist’s errand.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”
In astrology, Capricorn represents the archetype of the father and there has never been a better unhinged holiday daddy than Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold in “National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.” Runner up for Caps is “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” starring real-life sea goat Jim Carrey.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
“Home Alone”
There’s hot debate about whether or not “Home Alone” is a Christmas movie, just as there’s hot debate about whether or not Aquarius folks are human or alien. Relative to the plot, most lone wolf water bearers would welcome the chance to spend the holidays alone in a fancy house, eating ice cream and outsmarting baddies.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
“It’s A Wonderful Life”
Ruled by dream planet Neptune, Pisces is associated with film, fantasy and far flung romance. Fish folk, who don’t roll their eyes at the existence of angels or their influence, see their whimsy reflected in the Christmas classic, “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
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