An elderly and unpopular felon who narrowly won the popular vote in the 2024 election was sworn in as president of the United States in a tiny ceremony Monday, held indoors because it was slightly chilly outside.
Donald J. Trump, who refused to participate in the peaceful transfer of power when he last left office and fomented a violent attack on the U.S. Capitol for which he was never held accountable, swore to protect America from enemies, foreign and domestic, while somehow managing to not laugh at the suckers who just returned him to power.
Briggs:I’m more qualified than Pete Hegseth for defense secretary. You might be, too.
Wholly disregarding nearly half of American voters who strongly opposed and feared his candidacy, Trump harnessed the power of unbridled narcissism to keep a straight face while hilariously saying: “For American citizens, January 20, 2025, is liberation day.”
The inauguration ceremony was held indoors because it was in the mid-20s in Washington, D.C., and they apparently don’t make dress mittens for Trump’s peculiarly small hands.
Trump, flanked by billionaires, promised a ‘Golden Age of America’
The longtime con artist — convicted of 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to cover up a hush money payment to an adult film star — stood in the Capitol rotunda and inaccurately claimed: “The Golden Age of America begins right now.”
He also spoke of his November electoral victory — in which he got less than 50% of the popular vote, the second-closest election since 1968 — incorrectly suggesting he has a sweeping mandate: “As our victory showed, the entire nation is rapidly unifying behind our agenda with dramatic increases in support from virtually every element of our society.”
Trump, perhaps due to his advanced age, seemed to have forgotten that he is entering office with a shockingly low approval rating for an incoming president. According to 538’s polling averages, 48% of Americans disapprove of him while 46% approve.
For comparison, former President Barack Obama entered office with a 67% approval rating and outgoing President Joe Biden started with a 57% approval rating.
Trump described US as a dystopian place only he can fix – again
As Trump spoke, bafflingly describing a currently prosperous America as an abject hellscape, saying the country can no longer provide basic services and is replete with “betrayals,” nobody stepped in to make sure the 78-year-old was OK.
Seated near the new president was Biden and outgoing Vice President Kamala Harris, who both accurately warned Americans that Trump is a dangerous figure likely to put the nation on a path toward fascism.
And yet they just sat there, acting as if handing the keys to the most powerful nation in the world to a felonious lunatic was just what one does on a Monday in January.
Promising unity, Trump immediately attacked trans Americans
In his inaugural speech, Trump announced he would dehumanize an entire swath of Americans by removing protections for transgender Americans. And following a campaign during which he routinely painted Democrats and all who opposed him as enemies who hate America, he said, apparently incapable of self-awareness: “We are one people, one family and one glorious nation under God.”
The absence of laughter following that line caused the word “irony” to flee America, knowing it was no longer needed.
Ending his speech, President Trump said, contrary to all available evidence: “I am with you, I will fight for you, and I will win for you.”
The collective eye-rolling from the majority of Americans who disapprove of him briefly caused the world to shift off its axis.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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