The “Molecular Enhancer” is a $4,750 device that looks like what would happen if Thomas Edison dropped acid at a New Age convention. According to its creator — who definitely did not film his promotional videos in a murder basement with his hostage dog — this device doesn’t actually “heal or cure,” it just happens to “help the body go in the right direction and repair itself.” SCIENCE!
The device, which consists of what appears to be a plasma bulb (similar to ones you can buy online for $10) and grounding pad to put your bare feet on, apparently works on the entire animal kingdom. “People have shared stories about their dogs, cats, iguana, snakes, and birds enjoying the Enhancer,” says the creator, a “self-taught engineer, quantum physicist, machinist, electrician, welder, neon artist and gardener.” He also sells a Telsa coil that attracts animals.”Even my horse comes in and stands in front of it for two hours at a time.” I don’t know about you, but I always get my medical advice from quadrupeds.
The operating instructions for the Molecular Enhancer sound like a cross between a nuclear safety manual and a game of Twister, with very specific rules for avoiding what the inventor casually calls getting “zappy.” When you start, you’ll see a red pilot light on top, and there’s one crucial safety rule: “you never want to be past the black line on the glass [grounding pad] for safety reasons. If you go past that you could possibly zap yourself.”
The next step is handling the bulb properly. As the instructor warns, “always pick it up by the larger part of the bulb, never pick it up by the boot [or the wire] because you may break it and ruin the gas seal.”
Once you’ve got the bulb safely in hand, there’s a specific sequence to follow. “You put both hands on it with good palm contact,” and only then do you “place your feet on the glass to engage.” And, “after 10-15 minutes with most people you’re able to take one hand off and hold the bulb in one hand.” This single-handed hold apparently helps you “figure out which arm is worse in your body” because “the intensity is directly proportional to how bad that particular limb is.”
Time-wise, “a charge minimum is about thirty minutes,” though “generally an hour is best.” Some people go longer, but “generally most people get off before two hours.”
When you’re done, the exit sequence is crucial: “Remove your feet, then put the bulb down.” Get this wrong, and you’ll find out why — “if you put the bulb down first, it’ll be zappy.”
During your session, you can actually multitask a bit. “You are capable of using a cell phone or a TV remote because they have no wires coming out of them.” Just remember to “never touch anything that has a wire coming out of it because you may shorten out.”
And if you’re wondering whether you’ll have to choose between lunch and enhancing your molecules, the inventor has you covered: “you can have a glass of water and a sandwich next to you.”
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