This post was originally published on here
I never thought I would feel the need to write about why there should be more kindness or specifically, how there is a tangible benefit to being kind and ergo, why you should be more kind. That feels inherently selfish, but here we are.
I recently had an interaction with a customer service representative that left me shaken. I suppose I take it for granted that I try beginning every conversation with a smile and, “Hello! How are you/hope you are well!” no matter who the human (or often in my life, animal) is that I am interacting with at that given moment. So, while returning an incorrect item that had been shipped to me, I began the conversation the same way I do any other, and throughout the conversation was cordial because first, the customer service rep is not the person that incorrectly packed the box and second, who cares? I can easily swap it for the correct item.
I was shocked at the end of the exchange when the representative shared that I was the kindest person they had interacted with that day and expressed how appreciative they were that I didn’t yell at them.
Floored is the only word I really have for how I felt in that moment. Here was a human who is doing their job that they have to do to survive, and they’d been made to feel small for no reason other than someone else deciding to offload their bad mood.
In the last few years, I’ve come across this increasingly frequently: from friends who work front-desks jobs, working in the service industry myself, stories shared by online representatives; people being yelled at for simply existing on the other end of someone’s frustration at their own life.
Kindness comes in many forms, but one of my favorites is making a bougie breakfast for loved ones and hopefully starting their day on a bright note.
With the holidays coming up, I thought the timing was apropos to talk about why everyone should just be kinder.
Aside from the obvious reason: “Duh, why would you be intentionally cruel, that’s gross and weird-in-a-not–good-way,” there are actual measurable benefits to being kind.
Kindness isn’t just moral fluff, it’s biological. When you do something kind, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals – dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin – that make you feel calm, connected and happy. Researchers call it the “helper’s high,” which feels like a silly saying that belongs on a motivational poster from the 1970s, but it’s real. It’s the same physiological hit you get from a good jog or that first stretch in the morning sun, except you can get it by saying “thank you” or holding the door open for someone juggling too many grocery bags.
Regular acts of kindness can strengthen the parts of your brain that handle empathy and emotional regulation, like the prefrontal cortex. It’s like a tiny workout for your compassion muscles. Those same small gestures also calm your stress response, lowering cortisol and even blood pressure. Some scientists call oxytocin, the hormone your body releases when you connect with someone, the “cardioprotective hormone;” it’s like a hug for your heart.
Being kind even quiets inflammation in your body, which is wild to think about. People who volunteer or practice compassion have lower levels of stress-linked proteins in their blood. There’s evidence that it helps you sleep better, too, because your brain isn’t wasting time gnawing on the day’s irritations when it’s busy feeling connected to the world. And those micro-moments of friendliness, smiles and shared humanity are antidotes to loneliness. They remind your nervous system that you belong and are connected to the world around you.
Sometimes kindness is as simple as plucking a flower from your garden and giving it to someone you care about.
The act of kindness spreads in ways that feel almost cosmic. When we see someone being kind, our brains release the feel-good cocktail, and that tiny rush of empathy nudges us to pass it along, and before you know it, there’s a ripple moving through town. A smile at the checkout counter, a wave to a neighbor, an extra beat of patience in traffic; all these small gestures stack into something much bigger than ourselves.
I don’t know when basic kindness started feeling exceptional, but it shouldn’t be. We’ve all been tired and short-tempered. We’ve all muttered under our breath in grocery lines or snapped when we shouldn’t have. But the world can be heavy enough without us adding to it.
So, this holiday season and all the ordinary Tuesdays that come after, start small and make being kind part of your regular routine. Say hello like you mean it. Ask the person bagging your groceries how their day is going and really listen to their answer. Tell your mail carrier you appreciate them. Be generous with your thank-yous and your smiles.
Kindness doesn’t fix the world, but it sure softens the rough edges a bit. And the best part? It costs nothing and you’ll feel better for it too.
