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It has the ingredients for the perfect rom-com movie or TV show: a guy and a girl become friends, and it eventually evolves into a happily ever after. If there’s anything we can learn from When Harry Met Sally and Friends, it’s that falling in love with your best friend is a timeless plotline in fiction. But how does it translate to real life?
It’s an age-old question that many people debate. A lot of people believe that a guy and a girl can’t be friends, while others think it’s possible to have platonic friends of the opposite gender.
Fortunately, research has an answer. Let’s take a closer look at what science says.
What the Research Shows
The most well-recognized study on opposite-gender friendships was conducted by psychologist April Bleske-Rechek at the University of Wisconsin. Her research had a few key findings that help us answer the question, “Can a guy and a girl be friends?” more clearly.
Here were the study’s big takeaways:
- Men are more likely to be sexually attracted to their female friends than women are to be sexually attracted to their male friends.
- Women tend to assume that their friendships with men are platonic, underestimating how attracted their male friends are to them.
- Men tend to overestimate how attracted their female friends are to them.
The study confirms what some of us already suspected: sexual attraction can play a role in opposite-sex friendships. And in many cases, the attraction and feelings may only be felt by one person in the friendship.
Is It Possible to Have a Platonic Friendship?
Absolutely! This was a key finding from the University of Wisconsin research.
Despite many opposite-gender friendships involving attraction, the study’s participants reported being able to maintain fully platonic friendships. This held true whether they were the ones attracted to their friend or suspected their friends were attracted to them.
This tells us that it’s still possible to maintain a friendship even if attraction is involved. The participants said that the attraction wasn’t enough to derail their friendship. In some cases, they also reportedly lost interest in their friends over time, or the attraction wasn’t strong enough to turn into a romantic relationship.
Opposite-Gender Friendships Are Important
A lot of research has found that having friendships with people of the opposite gender isn’t just possible — it’s important.
Long-term meaningful friendships with the opposite gender provide emotional support, social learning, and different perspectives that you can’t get from same-sex friendships. Getting relationship advice from someone of the opposite gender, for example, will have a very different outcome than getting advice from someone of the same gender.
Boundaries Matter
Some research suggests that it’s essential for people in opposite-gender friendships to set boundaries and clear expectations. Both parties should agree that the platonic relationship is platonic and maintain boundaries, even if they are attracted to each other.
Not only does this matter when it comes to respecting the friendship and the other person, but it might also mean respecting the other person’s relationship.
If one person is constantly expressing their attraction and their advances aren’t wanted, it could easily ruin the friendship.
The Bottom Line
While there’s no doubt that being friends with someone of the opposite gender can lead to attraction, it’s often not enough to ruin the friendship. The ultimate verdict? A girl and a guy can be friends, as long as both parties can manage their emotions.
And who knows? Sometimes, friendship makes a beautiful foundation for a long-lasting relationship!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
