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Goals can be motivating, as they help you plan for the future and have something to strive for. They can also be demotivating when you don’t complete them perfectly. You might criticize yourself for not achieving the goal fast enough or not sticking to the goal. Self-judgment can make you want to give up or not even try to set future goals. Recognize the unhelpful patterns you have around goals and intentionally reframe how you think about setting and working toward your goals.
See Yourself as a Scientist
One way to change your relationship with goals is to think of yourself as a scientist doing experiments. A scientist’s mission is to make educated guesses (i.e., hypotheses) about how things work and discover new ways to improve on how we currently do things. Scientists are constantly learning and gaining more knowledge with each experiment.
Think about the goals you set as hypotheses that you are testing. A scientist allows themselves to come up with new hypotheses, stays curious, and learns something from each experiment.
Create goals like a scientist by:
- Thoughtfully considering what you know about the problem, including what has worked or not worked in the past.
- Use that information to create a hypothesis that is “SMART”: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-focused.
- Break the hypothesis down into small steps.
- Gather the needed supplies and support personnel, as well as set aside time to work on the research.
- Collect data along the way on what is working and what improvements/adjustments need to be made.
- Stay curious throughout the process and check in on how aligned you feel with all parts of the process.
- Take care of yourself so you can keep learning.
- Reflect on the outcome and how you have changed and grown.
- No matter the outcome, take stock of how the process went and what you learned along the way.
- Consider looking at the problem in a new way, trying a different approach, or switching your area of focus to continue your growth journey.
- Make a new hypothesis and keep going, while integrating what you learned.
Work Backwards
If you are not sure what goals you want to set or how to get started on a goal, it can be helpful to think about it in reverse. Identify the end goal, where you want to be in the long run, and work backwards. Consider a visioning exercise where you think about where you will be, what you will be doing, and how you hope to feel.
Ask yourself:
- What do I want to achieve in the future?
- What do I want to have accomplished?
- How do I want to feel six months from now? A year from now?
Once you have a sense of what you want to work toward, think about what would have needed to happen for you to get there.
Ask yourself:
- Working backwards, what are the big things I will need to have accomplished to ultimately achieve this goal? For example, if your goal is to read 40 books this year, then it means you will need to have read 30 books at nine months, 20 books at six months, and 10 books at three months, and you will need to have created a reading routine by the second week and have renewed your library card in the first week.
- What problems will you need to solve? For instance, how do you decide which books to read? How do you track your reading?
- How do you want to get there? For example, what will keep you motivated? Can you stop reading a book if it’s not enjoyable?
Continue to Check In
Think of your goals like living creatures you need to consider and routinely care for. They are often not one-and-done endeavors, but a type of practice that helps you continue to grow, learn, and evolve. It’s important to regularly check in with the goals (hypotheses) and steps you have created to make sure they still feel like a good fit.
Ask yourself:
- How aligned do I still feel with this goal?
- What is no longer making sense for me?
- What could help improve my alignment?
- What will help me give myself permission to pivot?
- What can I learn from this experience that will help me in the future?
Give yourself permission not to fall into the sunk-cost fallacy, where you don’t allow yourself to stop pursuing a goal because you have put too much time or energy into it. There is an important distinction between avoiding work that you know will help you in the long run and knowing when something no longer feels healthy or meaningful for you. Be flexible in changing a goal or finding a new one.
Overall, consider goals as hypotheses and think like a scientist. Be flexible, curious, and define realistic steps to get you where you want to be in the long term. Your journey is unique, so don’t let comparing your progress to others rob you of your motivation. Let it be inspiring but not demotivating. You get to decide what feels healthy for you.
Check out this video where Dr. Stacey Gedeon and I talk about intentional goal setting.
